My first thoughts on dating
When I was little a boyfriend was never in the plans for my life. A husband, now that was in my plans from my earliest memories. I would draw pictures of what I thought my future family would look like and I always imagined a husband for myself not a boyfriend. Why would I want a substitute for the real thing?
I did not understand when I saw girls and boys on TV or in real life acting as if they were married like holding hands or kissing on the cheek or lips. Why would they want to do that with someone they weren’t married to and weren’t going to spend the rest of their lives with? Today that still is weird to me and I still do not agree with all that but I understand that’s all some people know and have seen. It's always hard to imagine something better when you have never seen it. It's kind of like getting saved. You can't imagine your life getting better just by asking Christ to be your Lord and Savior but everything even sorrows are better because He lives inside of you. I can't imagine living without Him. All my life I have grown up hearing the stories of how my uncles, aunts, parents, and cousins waited for their special someone. I also have seen how dating has hurt and damaged lives and I choose to believe God has something better for my life. I figured out right away that I don’t want to be dating around so that when I have children and they ask for my story of how I got married. I don’t want to tell them, "I gave my affections, time and efforts to someone else or a whole bunch of other people." That’s just not the type of story I choose for myself.
In a Funk
I did not come to that decision lightly because even though from 6 years old until about when I was 13 there was no way you could tell me dating was a good plan for my life I went through a stage of searching and looking for answers for myself. After that age I went through a funk in my early teen years and during that time I didn't know where I stood on dating. I thought for a while that it could be fun. I told myself I was just following my parents and what they believed might not be what I want for my life. I am different and I am not like them. This is a different time and culture. I wasn’t sure I believed everything they believed and I might want to do things differently in my life. Of course most things they believed in I knew without a doubt I stood for because it was clear to me that it was a better way to live but dating was one of the things I wasn’t sure of during my funk. The thought of having someone like me and liking them back or dating sounded a little cool. Someone wanting to spend time with me and do fun things with me sounded like a nice idea especially the part that someone might like me enough to say, "will you be mine" and still always hoping it would be a forever and happily ever after sort of ending. I started asking questions and reading books on dating and watching the people around me to find Gods best for me. When the Lord knows you are seeking wisdom He finds a way to give you that wisdom. I believe He desires to be engaged in our everyday lives and the more I searched for answers the more I figured out dating wasn’t for me because it wasn’t all it seemed to be.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1Timothy 4:12
Another thing that I figured out real quick is that I don’t have to experience getting shot to know that it hurts. Reading or listening to someone else describe it can be enough to understand that pain. Also figuring out how people think and why they do things helps you understand why they do certain things. I have heard a few things that I did not think were that wise or a good enough reasons for me to date.
Everyone else is doing it.
I was taught at an early age that "Others may but you may not" It's never the best way to live by doing what everyone else is doing. We all know that if everyone was jumping off a bridge it would be silly to think that we would want to do that. I know it can get uncomfortable some times and people and situations can do a pretty good job of making you feel weird for choosing to believe something different than what is normal to their life. I know because I have had my share of those feelings. In the end you will be the one with no regrets and have an awesome story that no one else can compare with.
It seems like fun.
Have you heard that line from A Christmas Story "It's all fun and games till someone losses an eye." The dating game is serious business though many people think it's no big deal and play it down until they have that one bad experience they wish they could wipe out of their history but can't.
TV is one of the biggest liars we have because it makes dating seem fun and exciting. It puts a blind fold on us and the more we buy into it the tighter the blind fold becomes. I don’t think messing with someone’s heart and emotions is fun and I think it’s a big deal because dating can change you mentally, spiritually and physically. I have heard stories of people saying "It’s only for fun and I can break it off whenever I want and no one will get hurt and we won’t be worse off for that experience" but a lot of times they end up digging themselves into a big pit and they have a very hard time climbing out. Not all stories end bad but I don’t think that is my kind of fun playing with fire and that’s how I feel about dating I would rather not take that kind of chance.
Can’t it be fun getting to know someone just by being friends?
I want to get to know that person better
I would like to think that I know my brothers pretty well. It would be very easy not to know them if I didn’t take the time to love them like Christ loves me. True brothers and sister in Christ can get to know each other very well. Why is that hard to do for some people. Is it because in friendships you want the other person to know you like them and if they don't like you back you don't want to waste your time getting to know them?
That seems sad to me. Our time is also the Lord's and if you don't think this is the one you’re going to marry shouldn’t you still think they are worth your time to show Christ's love to them while they are in your life.
I am trying to see if this is the right one for me
It seems to me you can find that out just by being a good friend, brother or sister to another person. Why do we think girls and boys have to have boyfriends and girlfriends to know if that person is the right one. God has an awesome plan for every person. He wants every area of our lives submitted to Him. He wants us to trust Him that He will do everything He has planned for our lives in the right time for His glory. He is our dad and we are his children. He has all these gifts he wants to shower on us and bless us with. He deserves all our affection and devotion until he brings that special someone into our lives that He has chosen for us to bring Him more praise and honor. He wants the very best for us in everything including our relationship with the person we will marry.
We all have a passion button that we should guard
One of the practical things I learned while searching for answers to dating at a Focus on the Family seminar that helped me understand about those desires and wants inside of us and how we can call it our passion button that God has placed inside of us. God gave us those desires and wants and he told us it’s a good thing when it’s being used within the boundaries He has created. He did not intend on us letting 50 different people come and mess with our passion button.
HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS WHAT IS GOOD AND RECEIVES FAVOR FROM THE LORD Proverbs 18:22
This passion button we have can be pushed by the things we read or see in life: books, internet, magazines, TV, and much more. If we are not careful and on guard, it will get pushed and different feelings and thoughts will be triggered that shouldn't have been. We have to keep remembering that our passion button is not a bad thing it’s actually a very good thing given to us by God to enjoy at the right time so gaurding it is very crucial for us in enjoying it as God perfectly designed it for us.
DO NOT AROUSE OR AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT SO DESIRES Song of Songs 8:4
In a world that says "It's all about if it feels good, do it", "Do whatever you want”, “Experience as much as you can” and “ you only live once". We have to protect our passion buttons when we read, when we do things, when we see and hear things and even when we are just thinking about things that pushes our passion buttons. We just need to keep our guard up and stop whatever is causing that button to be pushed. If it’s reading a certain book stop reading that book. If it’s seeing something or someone on TV, change the channel or better yet turn it off and do something productive. You get the idea.
Every person has different things that may trigger their passion button and those things may not trigger another person’s passion button. Like for example a girl seeing another girl with a low cut shirt is not going to trigger her passion button but for a boy it might. Or if a guy comes up and talks with one girl she may go off thinking stuff like, "oh I think he likes me" and "how can I talk with him again" and lets her thoughts get carried away. But then if this same guy talks to another girl she may not think anything of that conversation, just a nice chat. Her passion button was not touched but the girl who went off thinking, "he liked me" had her passion button pushed and should gaurd hersself by taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. So you can't expect everyone to guard themselves in the same way. What's ok for one person might not be ok for another person. The key is to remember that different things trigger different individual’s passion button and we each need to be responsible for guarding ourselves.
People don't realize or maybe simply don't care that when you say yes to dating you lose something even if you don't do anything physical. By just saying "you are mine “and "I am yours" or "I love you" or anything that pushes your passion button you lose something that should have been saved for your husband or wife. A piece of your heart is given away. First moments that would have been shared with your future mate will be gone. Feelings that were only meant to be given to your spouse will have been given away, gone forever never to be shared with them as first experiences because they had been used on another or others in your life.
We were created to reflect Christ and His love for His bride the church. God has a perfect plan for each one of us and until that part of the plan is ready to take place in our lives and I really don’t think most teens today including me are ready for that so I believe until we are, we should gaurd our passion button and keep it safe until we are ready for that special time in our lives. It is freeing to love how Christ loves as a teen knowing now is not that time for me. I want to be hit over the head by God when it is that time for me and be able to serve and love people for Christ purely until that time
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Prov 4:23
I also think that when saying yes to dating you can lower your guard. You may say to yourself we are just going to talk on the phone and then maybe a dinner here or movie there; nothing serious. But then next thing you know, you're holding hands and now that seems harmless. You set another line for yourself. Then you say it's only a kiss hello and one goodbye. By the time you realize it you are wondering how far you can go before you go too far. You just don't all of a sudden one day wake up and decide to lower your guard it happens gradually. You start somewhere very innocently lowering your guard little by little and if you're not careful you may end up in a place you never planned to be in and never intended for your life.
I think one of the ways you can guard yourself is that when you call a person to see how they are doing or for whatever that the conversation should be above reproach and that it should edify one another as the Bible encourages us to do. I think a good guard or check when a person wants to go out with someone to a dinner or something like that is to go out with a few people or not but do it as a friend a sister or brother and the more you get to know that person I believe you will see what is in their heart. I think in this way you are also finding out if you are in their life for a season or if the person might be someone you can join the gifts and callings of God in your life with theirs to help them fulfill their destiny in Christ. You don't need to be dating to do that. I don’t think a good, deep friendship just blooms on the first meeting it takes time, care and patience. You are going to need to give of yourself and sew into those relationships God brings into your life without expecting anything in return.
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.1 Timothy 5:12
I believe God is going to take care of everything. Sometimes it seems impossible but I know there can be a better way. I want to just go through life being a sister to the people I am blessed with in my life. If I end up liking someone I won’t go all crazy with my feelings. I will guard my passion button. I will lay it down at God’s feet until He brings that about in my life. I will continue to be a sister and if it’s the right time God will let me know. Then I will know without a shadow of a doubt that God is doing the awakening and I will be able to experience that season in my life in its full beauty as God intended because I waited. There will be a confidence in the knowledge that what God has started He will be faithful to complete it. “Waiting” and “waited” what humble words to be able to say with pride "I am waiting" or "I have waited" for the right one. That is what I want my story to be. I am going to wait for my husband and give him only my first of everything and I pray he is doing the same thing for me.
It’s not bad for me to hope and to dream for my future. I have written letters and poems to my husband and I pray for him every day even though I don't know who he is. The problem is not that I have those desires but what I do with them if I let those desires take me places I shouldn’t be going. That's when it’s a problem.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5
God has the right person for me and he wants me to experience the full beauty of finding the right one in a better way than dating around, trying this one and that one, being hurt and hurting people until I find the one that wants to marry me and maybe like some people I have heard about living years of hurting people and leaving damaged lives in my past. I choose to trust Him and that He knows me best and knows my future and that He will show me the right person for me and the right time that He wants to bring that about.
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Genesis 2:18
Whatever the reason for dating I want people to know that it's not the only way. I want them to think out of the box and I want them to ask God what are His desires for them in this area. I know I am not the only one out there and I know the Lord directed me to find people who have lived this way before me and that helped me find out what was best for my life.
If you prepare yourself for God you will be suitable for any man (aunt Angie saying {waited and God answered})
"a woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her" (aunt Cedes favorite quote” {waited and God answered})
The absolute best weapon of the devil is to create a mistrust between you and God about His heart toward you, His good intentions for your life and His ability to fulfill His promises to you. (wisdom from aunt Ali )
Waiting for romance has been a gift of grace. I have learned so much in these years. Nothing has been wasted and so much has been saved. (older cousin waiting, God will answer)
Uncle Mike waited and God answered with aunt Angie
Uncle Rocky waited and God answered with aunt Alice
Aunt Alice was content not to date or get married but God chose to give her uncle Rocky
Uncle John waited and God answered with aunt Cedes
Girl cousin waiting, Boy cousin waiting, Boy cousin waiting
Aunt Cedes waited and was chased down by God and Uncle John
Mom waited and God answered with Dad
Dad waited and God answered with Mom
Granpa Agustin waited and God answered with step grandma Martha
Jeremiah waiting and God will answer
Gabriel waiting to be ready to wait
I am waiting and God will answer
